


But Never Mind The National Anthem

by heartequals (savvygambols)



Category: Marvel 616, Young Avengers
Genre: gratuitous Loki punching, pop culture pre-2014
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-21
Updated: 2014-07-21
Packaged: 2018-02-09 18:38:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1993581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/savvygambols/pseuds/heartequals
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You’re suggesting we educate America about America?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	But Never Mind The National Anthem

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve only read Vols. 1 & 2 of Young Avengers, so I apologize if everyone’s characterizations are fucked. I just wanted to write something stupid and happy about these nerds.
> 
> Major spoilers for Twin Peaks and Game of Thrones (S3).

They marathon all three seasons of Game of Thrones over a period of two weeks because someone makes the argument that “even teenage superheroes need downtime and Noh-Varr’s never seen it.” It’s a compelling argument, mainly because only so much downtime can be spent punching each other and watching Loki teach Billy spells infuriatingly slowly. Every moment they’re don’t spend fighting Big Bads and chasing Patri-not, they spend in hotel rooms across the multiverse, sprawled out on beds, couches, and floors, watching bootleg dvds that Loki picked up in some Earth-adjacent dimension.

No one realises America is paying attention ‘til the Red Wedding when her “FUCK that,” nearly, but not quite, drowns out Noh-Varr’s “NO.”

Teddy, Billy, Kate, David, and Loki turn to her. Noh-Varr clutches his face and falls off the bed.

“Really?” says Kate interestedly.

America says, “This is some bullshit and you know it, chica.”

“Would never have figured you for Team Robb,” says Loki, a grin spreading across his face like he’s discovered some grand secret to rend the universe.

“Robb’s an ass,” says America. “Talisa and Catelyn didn’t deserve that though.”

“Long live King Joffrey,” says Loki with a shrug.

“You’re a monster,” says Teddy, smacking Loki on the back of the head. Loki whines. “Do you really expect anything different from me?”

“I’m not watching this anymore,” says America. “Fuck this show.”

Kate pats America on the shoulder, which is a pretty brave move, all things considered. “Only one episode left until the season’s over. Then we can go kick some ass.”

America settles back against the bed with a sullen look on her face.

 

\---

 

“Okay,” says Kate, barging into the motel room that Teddy and Billy share this evening. “Here’s the thing.”

“Jesus, Kate!”

“Chavez is this cross-dimensional alien superwoman who’s been fighting evil since she was like ten,” says Kate blithely as Teddy dives for the bed. “But she doesn’t know anything.”

“She knows plenty of things,” says Billy, yanking up the sheet up to his chin. “Like how to kick through dimensions and where the most puncheable part of Loki’s face is.”

“But I mean, even Noh-Varr knows pop music, you know? 60 year old pop music, but he knows something. Chavez knows literally nothing about Earth-Earth except for the food.”

“Food’s the most important part,” Teddy points out, now safely ensconced under the sheet next to Billy.

“We’ve got an entire world of popular culture to expose her to,” says Kate. “Well. The US, anyway. I don’t really know anything outside of Western pop culture.”

“You’re suggesting we educate America about America?” Billy asks.

“Yes,” says Kate.

“This could blow up in our faces very easily,” says Teddy.

“That’s what makes it fun,” says Kate.

Billy looks at Teddy. Teddy looks at Billy. Kate taps her foot. “Well?”

“Okay,” says Billy, looking away from Teddy. “But if we get punched, I’ll cockblock you for the rest of your life.”

“Deal,” says Kate. She turns on her heel. “Have fun,” she calls as she steps into the hall.

“Where were we?” Billy says to Teddy.

 

\---

 

“Okay,” says Billy. “This is Twin Peaks. Nineties cultural phenomenon. Everyone watched it.”

“Were you even alive when this aired?” America asks, looking at the box set in Billy’s hands suspiciously.

“That’s not the point,” says Billy. “The point is it’s necessary. Who killed Laura Palmer? You need to know the answer to that question. It’s vital to understanding American serial dramas that air today.”

Noh-Varr nods from his seat on the floor, leaning against Kate’s knees. “I’ve seen an episode. It was enjoyable.”

“Why bother?” Loki asks, wandering past the room. He takes a half-step in. “It’s so obvious that Laura’s father is the killer.”

“Loki!” Billy shouts. Loki cackles.

“Do you want me to punch him?” America offers.

“Please,” says Billy. America stands up. Loki runs out of the room and down the hallway, still laughing.

“I don’t think she was very interested in watching it anyway,” says Kate. 

Billy sighs. “No one ever appreciates this show,” he mourns.

 

\---

 

“Ke$ha or Lady Gaga?” Kate asks David.

“Lana Del Rey,” says David.

“Wrong genre. Teddy?”

“Beyoncé,” says Teddy.

“Not what I was asking,” says Kate. “Billy?”

“I’m really more of an indie guy,” says Billy.

“Useless. Noh-Varr, I don’t suppose you have an opinion?”

“I like Ella Fitzgerald,” says Noh-Varr.

“Oh my god,” says Kate.

“I like Ke$ha,” Loki says. “She doesn’t pretend she’s not lying to the world. She’s a masterful troll.”

The group ponders this. America, leaning against the wall with her arms crossed, doesn’t hide her confusion.

“Good point,” says Kate after some silence. “Okay, Chavez, this is Ke$ha. She wrote the trashiest dance anthem of 2009 and anyone who argues that Gaga’s ‘Just Dance’ is trashier is wrong.”

“I don’t know what any of that means,” says America. “You realise that, right?”

Kate taps her iphone.

“ _Wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy_ ,” Ke$ha sings.

“Who’s P. Diddy?” America asks. “I don’t have context for this song.”

Kate throws her hands up in the air.

 

\---

 

Loki corners America outside her room, or would have if she were the type of person who could be cornered.

“Can you read?” Loki asks.

“I’m going to kill you,” says America, rolling up her sleeves.

“This is important. The Fault In Our Stars by John Green was _the_ book of 2012. A cultural phenomenon not unlike Billy’s Twin Peaks. The ending was traumatic, to put it lightly--”

“SPOILERS,” yells David from the room across the hall. “I HAVEN’T READ IT EITHER.”

“I cried,” says Loki confidently. “Yes, I know, the mighty Loki cried. Wept like a child. But I’m god enough to admit it.”

“I don’t read things that make me cry,” says America. “I don’t like crying.”

“You’ll enjoy this,” says Loki, pressing the book into her hands.

Four hours later America stands up from the couch in her room and stomps down the hall to where Loki and Billy are practicing spells. 

“I hate you,” she says, throwing the book at Loki’s head. Loki yelps. “Not the face!”

America glares at him. Her mascara is perfect, but her eyes are red.

“That’s no way to treat a book,” says Loki, rubbing his forehead and looking wounded. Billy starts laughing and whatever blue light has been dancing around his fingers snuffs out.

“It’s not fair,” says America. “It’s just -- it’s not fair.”

“Come on, Chavez,” says Kate, coming up behind her and touching her arm. “I have half a milkshake we can share. Let’s talk about it.”

America stomps off. Kate follows, one hand over her mouth to cover her giggles.

 

\---

 

“Pixar!” says Teddy. It’s his turn to pick a movie. It should have been easy; only he, Kate, and America are awake after a recent bout with a dimension of killer winged lions.

“I saw Brave,” says America. “Retroactively, it reminds me of princess over here.”

“Aw,” says Kate.

“Is there more?” America asks.

“There’s more,” says Teddy, nodding. “Wall-E, and Up, and Bug’s Life, and Finding Nemo and -- and so much more. Noh-Varr’s got Toy Story--”

“I’m not watching anything called ‘Toy Story’,” says America. “Sorry. Well, I’m not really sorry. But I’m not watching anything for the twelve and under age group.”

“But you saw Brave,” Teddy says, brow furrowing.

“She was a teenager.”

“Okay,” says Teddy, looking down at Noh-Varr’s index of movies. “What about Star Wars?”

“I saw a gif of the teddy bears,” says America. “Pass.”

“Didn’t know you knew was a gif was,” says Kate.

“Watch it, princess.”

“Okay,” says Teddy. “What about Lord of the Rings?”

“Never heard of it.”

“Oh thank god,” says Teddy. “Kate, get the lights. We’re in for something epic tonight.”

 

\---

 

“Apples to Apples is a time-honored party game,” says David, shuffling a stack of red cards. He sat cross-legged on the floor. “The point is to get as many green cards as you can. The person with the most green cards wins, obviously. There’s a dirtier, more grown-up version of this game called Cards Against Humanity, but Loki would kick all our asses so I thought we should do the PG version.”

“Loki’s PG,” says America, sitting down on the floor next to him.

Loki, from his perch on the arm of the couch, shakes his head. “No, he’s right. My superior intellect and infinitely filthier mind would render all your attempts at humor pathetic.”

Billy shoves him off the arm of the couch.

“Don’t worry,” says Kate, coming into the room with a bottle and seven shot glasses. “Earth-212’s finest vodka will make it interesting.”

“Good idea,” says David. “Anyway, we’ll play eight rounds. One for each of us and a tie-breaker if we need it. Now, you match the green adjective card with the most appropriate red noun card. Or most ironic. Or most creative. Or basically any combination you think will manipulate the judge into giving you the green card. You’ll see how it works.”

“It is most fun,” says Noh-Varr, also taking a seat on the ground.

“How did you even get a pack?” Teddy asks him. He slides off the couch and settles next to David. “It doesn’t seem like you had a lot of time for party games. Or a lot of friends.”

Noh-Varr shrugs. Kate passes him a shot glass and he knocks it back in one gulp.

Billy sits down next to Teddy and Loki pulls himself into a sitting position next to Kate. Kate passes around shot glasses. “Cheers,” she says, raising her glass.

America doesn’t drink and gets all eight green cards.

 

\---

 

They are crowded in Noh-Varr’s room on his spaceship, eyeing Noh-Varr with some trepidation.

“These,” says Noh-Varr with a flourish, waving around a record sleeve, “are The Andrews Sisters. They’re not as good as Nina Simone, but they are worthy. Please enjoy their hit song.”

He sets the needle on the record.

“ _Of all the boys I’ve known and I’ve known some--_ ”

Noh-Varr dances across the room and says, “Kate Bishop of Earth, teach me the moves of your ‘swing dance.’”

Kate gets up off the bed. “This is going to be a disaster,” she says, taking his hands.

“Only if you make it so.”

Teddy gets up too. “May I have this dance?” he asks, bowing to Billy. Billy grins. “Yeah, okay.”

“I don’t suppose you’d like to dance?” Loki asks David hopefully. 

“No.”

America sits down on the bed. “What does ‘Bei Mir Bist Du Schön’ mean?”

“To me you are beautiful,” says David. “It was their break-through song in the 30s.”

“Who’d you pick up that fact from?” Loki asks.

“Myself.”

America scoots backwards on the bed until she can cross her legs in front of her. “It’s cute,” she says.

Loki gets up and dances by himself. David laughs. “Don’t suppose _you_ want to dance?”

“Keep dreaming.”

“You can’t blame a guy for asking,” says David.

“Keep dreaming,” America repeats, but she’s smiling.

 

\---

 

Kate is sprawled out on America’s bed when America gets out of the shower. “Out,” says America.

“I made a list of restaurants we have to go to when this is all over,” says Kate, magnanimously rolling over so she’s facing the opposite wall.

“You know what’s weird about you? Sometimes you have hope.”

“Someone on this team has to,” says Kate. “Anyway! This is important: Dunkin’ Donuts?”

“Been there,” says America, dropping her towel and picking up her clothes off the floor. “The coffee was okay.”

“Great,” says Kate. “That was my entire list.” She rolls over again. “Wait, what do you mean by okay? Didn’t you have the donuts?”

“I didn’t have enough money for donuts.” America pulls her shirt over her head. “Also, I was kinda in a hurry. Worlds to save, you know how it is.”

“I do now,” says Kate. She pauses, apparently mulling this over as America buttons up her shorts. “That doesn’t count. When this is over, we have to go to Dunkin’ Donuts. All seven of us. And you need to have a donut. And it needs to be late at night so you fully appreciate the experience.”

“Okay,” says America. She puts her hands on her hips. “If we get back.”

“When,” Kate insists, sitting up. “What are you doing right now?”

“I was going to take a nap.” America sits down on the bed next to her. “Why?”

“Can I hang out with you for awhile? The boys are watching The Hunger Games. I started watching it but it hit a little too close to home. It’s about a teenage archer living in a future dystopian Earth--”

“I know. I read it.” America flops on her back. 

Kate peers down at her. “Really?” 

“I even enjoyed it.” America slides back until she’s lying fully on the bed. “I know you all think I’m some kind of Earth-Earth idiot, but I occasionally know what’s going on.”

“We don’t think you’re an idiot! Just, for someone called Miss America, you seemed a bit out of touch.” Kate lies down next to her. “We thought it’d be nice to educate you about some of Earth-Earth’s bigger phenomenons.”

“I filter my media,” says America. “I gotta spend my downtime wisely.”

“Oh.” Kate thinks about this. “Anything you’d recommend to me?” she asks finally.

America crosses her arms under her head. “Hmm. Thelma & Louise.”

“Chavez, when the hell did you see Thelma & Louise?”

“Crashed a drive-in movie theater. You seen it?”

“No. It kind of predates me.”

“It’s loosely about two women who go on a roadtrip and commit crime.”

“I wouldn’t have thought world-saving superheroes such as yourself would endorse crime.” Kate looks over at her. “Is it world-saving crime?”

“No, but the men have it coming.” America looks at her. “You’d enjoy it. It’s very buddy-buddy.”

“You’ll have to show it to me sometime.”

America rolls her shoulders. “If we get out of this, we can find that drive-in theater and watch it there.”

“ _When_ we get out of this, Chavez, when.”

“When,” America says.

A muffled cheer echoes through the wall. Kate closes her eyes. “Katniss probably twirled,” she says, looking pained. She opens her eyes. “Is it okay if I stay in here?”

“Can’t you hang out in your room or something?”

“I don’t really feel like being alone,” says Kate. “You can nap, I’ll just lie here and think of chain restaurants we need to go to.”

“Sure,” says America, throwing an arm over her face and shifting until her head is on a pillow. “Do what you want. Just no cuddling, all right?”

“All right,” says Kate.

Ten minutes later Kate asks, “What about Cracker Barrel? Maybe we should go there next.”

“Maybe you should stop talking.”

Kate is silent for a brief moment. “Shake Shack?” she asks

America pulls the pillow out from under her head and shoves it in Kate’s face. Kate yelps and bats it away.

“I’ll go anywhere you want,” says America, tucking the pillow back, “if you let me sleep.”

“Fine,” says Kate. “I’m holding you to that.”

“It goes both ways, chica.”

In the other room, the boys cheer again.

Kate and America fall silent and, eventually, asleep.


End file.
